Social networking for me has been the medium through which I discuss that which I love with the people who are on a similar wavelength.It opened up communication channels with people all across the world with whom I could share my passion for music ( and Jimmy Page 🙂 ), my beloved animals, my treasured books.And get enriched by their experiences and thoughts. Facebook never was/is/will be about much about posting 80 odd photos about my trip to Switzerland or ‘checking in’ @ Maurya Sheraton, while actually having ‘aanda paratha’ in the excellent dhabba close to it 😀
However, nursing a bad head cold and fever @ 104 degrees due to the drastic weather change in New Delhi, I was forced to spend Friday night in bed, declining with a heavy heart the crazy friends’ invitation for “Sabbath, Soup & Momos”. Which led me to facebook deep and long into the night.
Let me tell ya’all about my night of revelations.I had actually first put it down to possible delirium brought on by the fever, when Facebook started throwing friend suggestions about ‘People I may know’. But it was uncannily real. Amongst suggestions for many real life friends not on my list , colleagues at work,various people I have come across in life..ya know like doctors,your parent’s friends,animal rights activists, event management guys, lawyers etc etc I also had Sandhya Kumari ( my maid), Danny Lepcha ( my local momo wala), Joy Biswas ( my cook), Babloo Kumar ( my local street foodie chap specializing in masala bolied eggs & omlete), Brijnath Yadav ( my man Friday). I kinda realized then that Facebook has accessed my mobile contacts through my smartphone. I don’t know whether this is a recent change or what? I stay pretty much disconnected with all these changes, permissions,privacy settings etc etc.
Anyway, the facebook friend suggestion names were not in the manner in which I have fed in my contacts in my mobile. Like say “Sandhya Hottie’ or ‘Danny Hero” “Brij Rascal” 😀 These are ofcourse character specializations of each one of them 😀 Oh there was also one which is “Name MCBC” i.e his name and a terrible Punjabi gaali (slang) which means motherf*****daughterf****** 😀 I really shouldn’t spill on a blog who this person is, much as I am tempted to. It should be sufficient to understand/appreciate the accidental sufi’s fury that he had once dared discuss Led Zeppelin with me..he who possibly gets turned on by Justin Bieber 😀
Let me not digress. I could only recognize Danny, Sandhya etc etc by their profile pictures. And then voyeuristic instincts took over malignantly. I could not stop myself from going to their pages. There, I found that Joy Biswas,my cook who was on two days of sick leave had actually gone to see the Taj Mahal with his wife. Their uber romantic image in front of the Taj Mahal did not melt my heart or lessen the pain of eating leftover pizza for two days. Danny is a true hero.His profile picture is him feeding street/stray dogs. Babloo Kumar, the egg -reddi-wala from Chapra Bihar, had posted a raunchy Bhojpuri song, the lyrics of which made me blush beetroot red. Brijnath Yadav, my man Friday, had updated his status thus “Yadav ji rocks”. The one that killed me was ofcourse a picture my maid Sandhya had posted. It was of her and me in the morning.While she was her usual hot, chamak-chalo ( shining & glittery) self in pink and purple, I , not adequately caffeinated, look sullen, Grinch-y with mascara streaming and in grungy jeans and a T-shirt.The photograph had 127 ‘likes’, with comments like ‘jhakkaas’ ‘oofo sundori’ , ‘kahaan se suit liya hai” ( where did you buy the dress from) etc. I realized that the entire domestic help community of South Delhi and possibly the ones that keep saying ‘salaam-namaste’ to me ,had seen this photograph. A tragically annihilating comment was “Yeh teri maalkin hai? ekdum style nahi hai re.Tu zyaada jhakkas..bindaas”. Translation: ‘Is that your mistress/employer?She is so un-stylish.You are more hot and happening”.Jeez, guys!! Bloody jeez!And don’t any of ya give me any sarcastic ones about a feudal mindset, puh-leez! Just bloody, bloody jeez!
I slunk back from the world of true terror created by Mark Zuckerberg 😀 Facebooking won’t be the same again, I guess 😀
Well, I am off to the doctor. Nah, not for psychiatric disturbances caused by Zuckerberg, but for the mundane fever and head cold 🙂
A song for you , guys.Its from a terrible 1996 Bollywood movie “Rakshak”. The song holds a lot of precious memories 🙂 The year 1996 was a watershed year, in many ways, for the accidental sufi 🙂 Here,it is ( guaranteed to beat the chill in Delhi-ites at least 😉 ) http://youtu.be/2TN8ZgK79pM
A-tishoo…horrible! I need the warmth of Jimmy Pages’ arms 🙂