Never Let Me Go

‘There’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
you.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he’s
in there.
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
weep, do you?”  ( Charles Bukowski)

That’s what my utterly beautiful guy wrote me when I had said the worst things possible to him.Telling him that I have let go of him. I wept. Don’t turn around, I told him.Because my heart was breaking.Because I didn’t want him to see me weep.I looked up. He was there as always.Strong,tender and patient.This  guy  who would risk his life for mine in a heartbeat.And I realized that he and I are so closely interwoven that we could never unravel, never separate. So Hafiz told him to tell me  “All these words are just a front. What I would really like to do is chain you to my body, then sing for days and days and days.”

Perhaps sing this :

Your bluebird stays with you.Never let her go,because she has nowhere else to go.You are the only home she knew/knows/will know.

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(Photo from the Internet for illustration only)

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