‘If two past lovers can remain friends,either they were never in love or still are“.
Thus, went one of the FB status updates of someone in my friend list.Which made me ponder about love and friendship.I also did a rather detailed analysis of the umm..all my ex – es.That kinda sounds like I have many, many scalps on my belt 😀 Which is sadly and unfortunately not true 😀 Alright , a major ex and a coupla minor ones 🙂
The first would be to define ‘love’. Susan Sontag (‘As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh:Journals & Notebooks 1964-1980’) says “Nothing is mysterious, no human relation. Except love” I guess what she wants to say that ‘love’ is very subjective. It means different things to different people. I don’t know whether Pablo Neruda had felt this, but he puts it across beautifully ,what/how I would describe my own ,individualistic take on love. “I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close”. The essence of looking at love like this, is that there is a complete merger of two beings.Many say that this is not humanly possible,but this is achieved only in love of the divine, with God. I would say that it is possible though very difficult. And believe me,it happens only ONCE in a lifetime.Consider yourself lucky if you have experienced it….have met the person who could completely turn your world around. You told them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorbed everything you said . Memories of your childhood came back . Laughter seemed part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. You opened your heart knowing that there was a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experienced a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You found that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. Your only hope and security was in knowing that they are a part of your life.
And how does one define a friend or friendship? In the immortal words of Marlene Dietrich “It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.”
So,lets do a reality check on our lives, based on definitions of ‘love’ and ‘friend’. Those of us with pasts 🙂 The only interesting answers are those which destroy the questions 🙂 Mine tells me that I was never ‘in love’. Also my ex-es are not and cannot be my friends. Double Whammy 😀 I do have a cordial relationship with them and bear them no ill will. I wouldn’t really do anything to get back at them,which is the typical reaction in such situations, unless of course they try to harm me.In a way,the accidental sufi is thankful to past experiences and people because they gave her that person whom she loves and was/is in love with.She just never admitted it to herself. And should they part ever, she would still call him up at 4am 🙂 She discovered both love and friendship in the same person.
Thus the definition of her current state is ““Love is friendship on fire” 🙂 What is so great about this? It makes you rise not fall in love. I was reading a review of ”I am Very Into You” yesterday.This is a series of correspondence between Kathy Acker and McKenzie Wark, between the years 1995-1996. “After Kathy Acker met McKenzie Wark on a trip to Australia in 1995, they had a brief fling and immediately began a heated two-week email correspondence. Their emails shimmer with insight, gossip, sex, and cultural commentary. They write in a frenzy, several times a day; their emails cross somewhere over the International Date Line, and themselves become a site of analysis. What results is an index of how two brilliant and idiosyncratic writers might go about a courtship across 7,500 miles of airspace—by pulling in Alfred Hitchcock, stuffed animals, Georges Bataille, Elvis Presley, phenomenology, Marxism, The X-files, psychoanalysis, and the I Ching.Their corresepondence is a Plato’s Symposium for the twenty-first century..it is a text of incipience, a text of beginnings, and a set of notes on the short, shared passage of two iconic individuals of our time” (.http://mitpress.mit.edu/books/im-very-you ) (I have ordered it online and waiting in a fervor of excitement for it )
“I forgot who I am,” Wark writes to Acker. “You reminded me of who I prefer to be.” This applies in the present tense to the accidental sufi 🙂
Hasta la Vista, guys & feel the love buzz 😀