What Is To Give Light Must Endure Burning

” unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don’t do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don’t do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way
and there never was”.( Charles Bukowski)

Five Choices In Life


(This is a photo from the Internet and came to me via Facebook and is being used for illustration only)

I found the rules, rather suggestions, for living life very inspiring.

Then I thought if I was asked to choose just five of them which ones would they be ? And in what order ?

Surprisingly, it look me quite some time! I though I knew myself pretty well!

Here are my five in preferred order

1. Make mistakes

2. Love fiercely

3. Have a smart mouth & quick wit.

4. Make tea

5. Create

I would really like to know what your list is , guys 🙂 Tell me if you are so inclined 🙂 And I wonder if there is anyone who would also have the same as mine ? Would be lovely to know a kindred spirit!

So I will play you a song, which all those who really know me, always associate with me 🙂

The Pure Present

A long, leisurely lunch at the  wonderful ‘Smoke House Deli’ in the Hauz Khas village, overlooking the lake, with the beloved today, will go down as one of the beautiful and breathtaking moments of his  soon- to- end- trip this time.I guess most of you would wonder what is/was so spectacular about it ? I would reply nothing,actually.And ask you whether happiness is to be found only in remarkable circumstances ? What about quiet,  ordinary and unremarkable moments? Can they not fill us with joy ? We perhaps don’t notice them, waiting for some vague momentous thing to happen. The smile in your parents’ voice when you call them up at not the ‘usual ‘ time? The grin on your child’s face when junk food is allowed ? The  tender,green lissomness of your indoor plant as you water it ?The gleam of your car after you have washed it very lovingly ? That old vinyl record scratching out Marc Bolan’s magic ? So Mary Oliver talks about  such ordinary moments when there is a ‘seizure of happiness’. She says “Once, years ago, I emerged from the woods in the early morning at the end of a walk and — it was the most casual of moments — as I stepped from under the trees into the mild, pouring-down sunlight I experienced a sudden impact, a seizure of happiness. It was not the drowning sort of happiness, rather the floating sort. I made no struggle toward it; it was given” ( Mary Oliver, ” Long Life :Essays and Other Writings)

 I LOVE burgers.I  can never eat a burger in a lady-like and proper manner, though.  Till date , after countless burgers, the sight of one makes me beam and sink my teeth  hugely into it. The juice drips down my chin!Burger freaks will understand and appreciate that moment when the juice runs down your chin, it is one of incredible delight. Thus, this afternoon when I impatiently had my first bite of the ‘Smoked Cottage Cheese Double Burger’, I guess my face was a mess.And was that the moment when I had this ‘seizure of happiness’ ? No.It was when my guy, with a very resigned look on his face and an amused smile, wiped the juice off my face with his napkin. I really can’t describe the feeling I had in my heart then. Something like being wrapped in  rich, dark,warm molasses.

Then we went to my  bookstore and I pottered around happily,looking for my April ‘To Read’ list. I selected six books and he bought them for me. He did put a condition that I should read them only after he leaves as we have erm.. such other nicer things to do!Me nodded my head  vigorously in agreement 🙂

 Here are my April reads. They will always be special and timeless. ” The timeless in you is aware of life’s timelessness. And knows that yesterday is but today’s memory and tomorrow is today’s dream” ( Gibran).

april 1

1.Balzac & the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Siije 2.Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer 3. In the Country of Men by Hisham Matar 4.The Gospel According to Coco Chanel by Karen Karbo 5. The Garden Of Evening Mists by Tan Twan Eng 6. All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doer.

april 4

  We picked up a cookbook too, ‘Flavours of Avadh’. While the recipes look real promising, its the mix of history and cuisine that the book depicts, is what that  caught my eye.The introduction to the book speaks of ‘legends of culture and cuisine’. ‘Avadh’, in British India, was known as the ‘United provinces of Agra & Oudh’ and is  still identified as the cultural capital of North Indian society today. It is a region which shaped up to be the cradle of north Indian aristocracy and is a vital link between tradition and modernity. It is the seat of a composite culture best known as ‘Ganga-Jamani tehzeeb”. I am looking forward to discovering more about the ‘tehzeeb’, ‘tameez’ and ”nafasat’ of this rich cultural heritage of my land while I try to cook the fare of the erstwhile Nawabs. I guess I missed my Dad a little too, because one of the recipes is ‘Nargisi Kofta” ( Mince covered eggs in gravy) which the great man claims that he  can make and one which we all ( including my guy Adi ) have heard innumerable tall stories about. But many moons have passed and Dad is yet to make it! The man can spin a yarn, I tell you guys!

That’s all from the accidental sufi today,guys.Got to get dressed for dinner.A small party at home for our friends.Beer, kebabs ( from a fantastic take away joint near my house) and Sabbath! Unbeatable combo, non ?

The beloved just walked in. I look up. An unremarkable moment but yet so special..I have never seen any man that looked so damn great in a white shirt and blue jeans.

Mar jawan, guys.Mar jawan!

Tie Your Heart At Night To Mine

“Tie your heart at night to mine, love,
and both will defeat the darkness
like twin drums beating in the forest
against the heavy wall of wet leaves.

Night crossing: black coal of dream
that cuts the thread of earthly orbs
with the punctuality of a headlong train
that pulls cold stone and shadow endlessly.

Love, because of it, tie me to a purer movement,
to the grip on life that beats in your breast,
with the wings of a submerged swan,

So that our dream might reply
to the sky’s questioning stars
with one key, one door closed to shadow.” ( Pablo Neruda)

Happy weekend, guys 🙂 The beloved is making pasta for me and my great Dane girl, Layla 🙂

Sweet, Sweet 😀

And unbelievably this plays 🙂

The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages (Virginia Woolf)

“What do you fear, lady?” [Aragorn] asked.

“A cage,” [Éowyn] said. “To stay behind bars, until use and old age accept them, and all chance of doing great deeds is gone beyond recall or desire”. ( Tolkien, ‘ The Return Of the King’)

With this, I am going to blog about an actor, who I admire tremendously for refusing to be in a ‘cage’. A metaphorical cage of course, but one which didn’t see ‘use’ or be compromised by ‘old age’.

Sharon Stone.

Few of us can forget the 1990’s movie ‘Basic Instinct’. I was in college when the movie hit theaters world wide. Everyone talked in hushed whispers about ‘the interrogation scene’ where the actor uncrosses her legs and bares all. Nudity in films was/is not new. But the arrogance and power with which Sharon Stone portrayed femaleness has been un-matched till date.

Her tremendous acting aside,  she attributes her sexiness to being intelligent. ‘I was a bookworm. I used my intelligence to be sexy’, says she. (http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/profiles/sharon-stone-interview-i-was-a-bookwormi-used-my-intelligence-to-be-sexy-9338267.html) There goes all those innumerable stories and jokes about dumb blondes!

What also hits you about her is her guts.She suffered a brain hemorrhage in 2001. But that hasn’t deterred her from doing ‘great deeds’.”I was in that neurological ward and the guy across from me died while I was in there, I watched it happen, and you know firsthand what that’s like. There is no greater lesson about the meaning of life than that,” she says. “When I see people who are mean, who do those kinds of pointless activities, I just have to shake my head and move forward.” (http://www.usatoday.com/story/life/people/2014/02/18/sharon-stone-cover-shape/5554069/)

How poignantly and eloquently she talks about aging , relishing every second of it. “Because I faced the very real possibility of not getting old, that is when getting old became a thing of tremendous gratitude for me. I have such gratitude for my age. Getting older is my goal. As it should be for every right-minded person,” she says.So Shakespeare says “With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come.”

Overcoming great odds to live life large and on one’s own terms.Now that is something which the accidental sufi salutes 🙂

Here’s to the burning down of any type of ‘cage’!

Here’s something to make you all smile 🙂


Here’s something to rock out to 🙂

Problems With ‘Rubaiyat”


“A book of verses underneath the bough
A flask of wine, a loaf of bread and thou
Beside me singing in the wilderness
And wilderness is paradise now ” ( Omar Khayyam,’Rubaiyat’)

While the above is most romantic and  most lovely, it has caused immense chaos  😀


Only the ‘thou’ is agreed upon by me and the beloved who is currently here with me 😀

Contentious issues:

1. Which book of verses ? I am all for Pablo Neruda’s ‘Twenty Love Poems & A Song Of Despair”. The man asks me whether in this modern age, ‘book of verses’ can be substituted with any Sports channel , which apparently, both, can watch while holding hands? Arrgh.

2. I am very Marie-Antoinette,guys. I would much prefer cake to ‘loaf of bread’! The man roots for  museli bread! With ‘Marmite’ ( UGH), he says hopefully! Arrgh, bloody, arrgh! Did I tell you that he once poured boiling water into a near empty ‘Marmite’ jar and drank the jar clean ? Someone get me smelling salts please!

3. The greatest issue is ‘flask of wine’. The man turns totally aggressive now. “Glenmorangie , Macallan, Laphroaig,Glenkinchie,blah blah blah blah “, the Scott in him roars. ‘Rose sherbet’, I demur. ‘Or maybe a choco malt shake ? The malt is there, non ?’.

4. That gets us to ‘singing’. Please, I hate men singing. Leave that to Robert Plant or Ronnie Dio! The man says ‘Baby, when are you going to sing this ?”. I am livid with his choice. Male Chauvinistic Pig! Jeez, I am a ninja warrior! I can’t sing this, now, can I ?

Thus, love and life go on 🙂

The Woman In Red

Red is the first color of spring. It’s the real color of rebirth. Of beginning. Of never ending 🙂

toes 1  toes  toes 2

Feet : Own

Nail Polish: Bobbi Brown, “Siren Red ”

Silver Toe Rings : Gift from a friend

Jeans: Levi’s Revel ( Demi Curve)

Antique Silver Anklet :  Legacy of my  maternal Grandmother

We love red 😀 Yeah! Check out my Brucie boy, too 😀


Ready to rock now 😉 Joan Jett sets the mood 😉 Nah, I don’t hate myself for loving him 😉

The guy is  certified bad ass  😀 My dogs love him too 😀

Ta ,guys ❤

At Home

How the accidental sufi is romancing and being romanced this evening 🙂


There is laughter and love.I am home.Now come the whispers…bearing bouquets of moonbeams…and sunlight tremblings. (Abherjani).

This song makes sense to me now 🙂

Perhaps not to be is to be without your being

“Perhaps not to be is to be without your being,
without your going, that cuts noon light
like a blue flower, without your passing
later through fog and stones,
without the torch you lift in your hand
that others may not see as golden,
that perhaps no one believed blossomed
the glowing origin of the rose,
without, in the end, your being, your coming
suddenly, inspiringly, to know my life,
blaze of the rose-tree, wheat of the breeze:
and it follows that I am, because you are:
it follows from ‘you are’, that I am, and we:
and, because of love, you will, I will,
We will, come to be.” ——————————–( Pablo Neruda)

In about three hours time, I will see my guy 🙂 The light wraps you, my Dark Lord 🙂

❤ ❤ ❤

Addicted To Love

“When does real love begin?

At first it was a fire, eclipses, short circuits, lightning and fireworks; the incense, hammocks, drugs, wines, perfumes; then spasm and honey, fever, fatigue, warmth, currents of liquid fire, feast and orgies; then dreams, visions, candlelight, flowers, pictures; then images out of the past, fairy tales, stories, then pages out of a book, a poem; then laughter, then chastity.

At what moment does the knife wound sink so deep that the flesh begins to weep with love?

At first power, power, then the wound, and love, and love and fears, and the loss of the self, and the gift, and slavery. At first I ruled, loved less; then more, then slavery. Slavery to his image, his odor, the craving, the hunger, the thirst, the obsession.”

(Anaïs Nin, Fire :From a Journal Of Love-The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin )

# The song ‘Addicted to Love’ was performed by Robert Palmer. But I am posting a truly kick-ass version by a truly kick-ass lady 🙂 Yeah, Tina Turner.